


The big bad and the wolf

by SnapeLove



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Complete, M/M, Male Slash, Masturbation, Post-Second War with Voldemort, past!internalized homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-07 05:58:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15212693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnapeLove/pseuds/SnapeLove
Summary: They survived - against all odds.  Now they are cohabitating - well, not willingly but also not by chance. Why Severus hates sunbathing? How Remus used that to his advantage? And, what that has to do with Teddy?





	1. He stays with me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bookwormmafer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookwormmafer/gifts).



> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

The cacophony of voices drummed on his eardrums and scratched on his nerves. Never in his life, more than now, Remus didn’t appreciate the fact that he is still alive and still stuck on Order meetings.

The war was over.

They had won!

Everything changed. And yet, below the surface, nothing had changed. Not really.

Minerva’s voice raised above the rest, “He can be in school, but we are still rebuilding and I can’t assign someone to take care of him.”

Remus sighed quietly as he noticed Minerva didn’t look too eager to help. He briefly wondered if the reason for that was shame or that she still held a grudge. That woman could hold a grudge.

“He can stay here.” Harry offered reluctantly “But, that would mean he’d share his living quarters with Hermione, Ron and me. Somehow I don’t see him accepting my offer.”

“Maybe Malfoy’s would take him.” chirped Mundungus

 _Why is he still with us?_ Remus wondered as he sighed.

The noise in the room raised to an unbearable level when all present members started to voice their opinion at once about this suggestion.

The quiet voice of Luna Lovegood somehow managed to break through the noise “It seems to me that none of us really wants Professor in our home. That is sad.”

This caused another uproar. Privately, Remus agreed with Lovegood girl. Not one of the present really wanted a dour War hero with blood on his hands.

He, Remus Lupin, wasn’t the only one who survived against all odds. The miraculous survival of Severus Snape was still a mystery in the wizarding world.

Then came the hospital, the arrest, and the trial. All this followed by public uproar when awarding the Order of Merlin First class to Snape, and his inevitable stay in St. Mungo’s where he has been staying due to his slow recovery. He still needed constant care, but now he was recovered enough to leave the overcrowded hospital.

And that raised the problem.

It was painfully obvious that Snape didn’t expect to survive the war. Or at least he wasn’t counting on walking free if he did. He sold his home in Spinner's End. He gave away all his possessions, including the most shocking of all - dividing his extensive library between Hermione and Lupin. All his gold accumulated over the years he left to various potential funds.

Long story short - the man had nothing. Even the shirt on his back belonged to St. Mungo’s.

And all that lead to this moment...to the argument being held in 12 Grimmauld Place kitchen. Remus swallowed a low growl that formed in his chest and bubbled his way up his throat.

_Ungrateful, near-sighted fools. All of them._

It was his time to intervene, to stop this idiocy. The display of false concern left him feeling sick to his stomach. He could see the hypocrisy behind their words and false concerns. He knew it intimately. He faced it for the most of his life.

Lifting from his chair he leaned on the table. No one paid him attention. Taking a deep breath he roared.

“SILENCE!”

Suddenly the room was all too quiet. The row of confused and a bit scared faces, mouths gaping. No one even dared to breathe loudly. He smiled politely.

“I do apologize for my tone. There is no need for arguments. Severus will come with me.”

“If you think that I will allow my grandson…”  Andromeda stuck her chin out, starting what threatened to be one of her lengthy tirades. There was a quite few of them lately.

“My dear Andromeda.” he cut her off “You already took my son from me, so there is really nothing else you can hold over my head. Is there, now?” he paused, but only silence answered “Well, that's settled then.”

He pushed himself off the table and headed to the door. Hand already on the handle he turned to still quiet room.

“Harry, I do expect you to be there tomorrow, 11 in the morning, was it?”

Harry nodded mutely. He tilted his head and left the room. In the coolness of the corridor Remus felt a small trickle of sweat, prickling its way down his spine.

~ SS ~ RL ~

Why did he do it?

Why did he take this burden upon himself?

They must wonder about that. But Remus knew, he knew even before the meeting started. He was ready to fight tooth and nail to have Severus by his side.

He knew.

Tonks knew.

Even Andromeda knew - that is why he cut her off.

No one else knew.

It was said ‘The ones we love are the ones we hurt the most’ and in his case this was true. At first he reacted on fear, on implanted prejudice, on fear to lose what he had. He reacted out of stupidity.

But the universal truth was - youth rarely does have wisdom.

He was young, scared of who and what he is. He wanted to belong more than anything, so he hid the truth. It was easier to let his friends know he is a werewolf than to let them know that he was gay.

The ones we love are the ones we hurt the most…

How so very true.

He loved and hated that boy. He willingly participated in his torture by his best friends. He was attracted to him, pulled like a magnet - and he punished him for that. It was his fault after all.

Remus didn’t want to feel anything for that boy, for any boy for that matter.

Remus didn’t want to be attracted to the “enemy”.

Remus wanted to be - “normal”.

The boy loved girls, just like any other normal boy or young man or man for that matter - and Remus hated him for that most of all.

But that was then. That was before the incident in the Shrieking Shack. Before “the lake”. Before two wars and two miraculous survivals.

Now, Remus was sure of himself, not ashamed of what - of **who** he was. And he was in debt. He owed Severus years and years of suffering and taunting. The boy grew into a man. Remus Lupin owed the boy - no, the man, so much.


	2. Unwanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

He was still alive. But that was a matter of technicality. What it meant is that he was breathing, walking and talking... The last was questionable at best, but it was still there. Today he will be released from this place. That is the one thing he looked forward to.

Today he could finally disappear.

If what they say is true, if he won’t be returned to Azkaban ...Severus wasn’t concerned too much. He knew he had no home to go to. But he wouldn’t return to that place even if it was still his.

He paid his dues and he was done.

Done with this life.

Done with the wizarding world.

Done with life in a face oh hatred turned towards him.

The mediwitch walked in with a pleasant smile on her lips and cheerful chirp in her voice, “How are we today Professor Snape?”

He groaned and turned his head away from the annoyingly happy female.

“We are going home today!” The mediwitch continued to chirp “You should be happy.”

“We?” He raised one eyebrow, his voice unrecognisable to him, rough and scratchy, “ **I am going home today** , you preferably stay here - as far away from **me** as possible.” he hissed through the pain in his throat.

“Oh, come now Professor Snape, you don’t mean that.” she smiled at him, placing a wrapped bundle on the table next to his bed.

He glared at her, “Is that all?”

“Mostly.” the female continued to sing-song her words, annoying him to no end. “You should get dressed, you have visitors today.”

Severus just nodded to her. Waiting until she left to get out of the bed and slowly changed into his old robes. Even if someone did try _tegreo_ on them, the fabric was still stiff and dark in places from his blood. He didn’t have anything else besides these robes.

_Just as well, as long as I can disappear from here, I don’t care._

But it wasn’t like that. Resist as he may, Severus knew. His skin crawled from the sole touch of the fabric against it. The black material was a vivid reminder. And it hung on him loosely. Not that he was any worse than he was at the end of the war, he even gained some weight in the hospital and still, the robe was too big on his thin frame.

“Ah, good! So, you are ready then!” A soft, cheerful voice made him spin and lose his balance. Before he realised he was being in Lupin’s arms, tenderly lowered on the bed. “Easy now, Severus. The medi-witch said you are still not strong enough.”

“Lupin!” He managed to choke out, “What in Salazar’s name you are doing here? Go and pester someone else.”

“Didn’t Harry and Minerva tell you?” Lupin sounded surprised and a bit uncomfortable.

“Should I expect for them to pester me as well? You are not welcome, Lupin. I don’t have to suffer your presence... “ A coughing fit tore through his throat painfully.

Lupin offered him a glass of water and he took it reluctantly.

“I’m afraid you don’t have much choice, Severus, but to _suffer_ my presence. You are going with me.”

“Most certainly I am not.” He growled the words through the sound he made caused him pain.

“I’m afraid you don’t have much choice. You see, the hospital released you to my care.” sheepishly smiled Lupin and he sighed.

“So I am not free?”

“You are, you are still in need of constant care, and of a home... Of which presently you have none as I understand.”

“No. I refuse... “ he started, but the annoying voice from his past cut him off mid-sentence.

“You are welcome to stay with us.”

“Potter” He squeezed through clenched teeth and turned to gaze at Lupin, “Is he my only option if I refuse you?”

“I’m afraid so. Hogwarts is still rebuilding and they can’t take care of you ... “

“I can take care of myself just fine.” he bit out fully aware how blatant the lie was. Apparently, Lupin was also aware of the lie, because he just kept on talking.  

“... You may stay with Harry, Hermione and Ron or with the Lovegood girl. But I’m afraid that is it. It is your choice, Severus.”

The silence fell on them, his thoughts raced. Humiliation spreading the pungent stench in the air. Finally, he spoke, slow deliberate drawl.

“You managed to pull the short straw then, Lupin? Is that the reason why am I stuck with you now?”

“You could have been much worse and end up with Aberforth and his goats.” Lupin grinned at him.

“Very well. You are far easier to manage than being here anyway.” he huffed.

Empty words for an empty victory.

He may be forced to acquiesce to their idiotic demands, sounding reluctantly victorious over the whole ordeal, but the truth was... _No, I would be better off on my own._

~ SS ~ RL ~

No one knew.

Why would they?

It was his secret to keep.

Why would anyone knew how much damaged he truly was. He kept his secrets close, safely locked inside him. Not like he was in any danger that Lupin would ever find out. Why would he?

It was private and even if he wasn’t ashamed, letting the wizarding world or his enemies know was a recipe for disaster.

His name was a brand of shame.

He bared the mark of shame on his arm.

Merlin knows he didn’t need another one.

These simpletons probably couldn’t understand, even if he was inclined to explain. But to explain what?

How he loved her...

How he longed for...

Too much time, too much bad blood, too much hatred built a deep chasm between the two of them.

Maybe, if the things in school were different back then, they might even be friends. He would be content to have the warmth of friendship... There was no point of dwelling on the past.  

He was doomed to carry a torch with no luck. Taken from him by Potter and Black. One of a deep friendship, the other… but what that did matter now? He survived so many trials, he will survive this one as well.


	3. Stubborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

“Well, if that is settled… I brought you a set of robes. They are not new, I’m afraid but they would do” Remus smiled at Severus. 

Snape had a scornful look on his face, he focused on Remus but ignored Minerva and Harry, so Lupin gave them a signal to leave. Once they were alone Severus turned to him with a prideful expression.

“As you can clearly see, I  _ have _ a set of robes on me.” To emphasize the words, Snape motioned a hand to his body. 

Remus suppressed the shiver, it is obvious what is the set of robes Snape had. The hairs on his skin raised in horror, while uncomfortable prickles crawled up his skull.

“I see, and I anticipated… Hence the fresh set of robes.”

“I do not need your charity Lupin.” Sneered Severus “I can manage on my own just fine.”

“We can stay here and argue or you can change your attire and let us leave this place.” He pointed out mildly, retreated and pulled the privacy screen. 

Grumbling followed the shuffling and the rustling. Remus balled his hands and bit his tongue not to offer any help. Undignified huff accompanied with a fit of cough was followed by a comment in a scratchy rough voice.

“They are beige.”

“What was that?” He asked, pushing the image of almost naked man behind the thin barrier.

“The robes are  _ beige _ . Is this some sort of subtle torture you devised?” Hissed Snape

“As it happens, that was the only new, so to say, set of robes. The ones that are not worn out or shabby. And the one I still hadn’t had any chance to wear.” He tried to bite the argumentative note out of his voice. Severus did have the talent to set him on edge. 

Snape appeared behind the screen. The beige material blended with Snape’s parchment colour of skin, making him look almost ghostly pale. The hair, longer than it was and still lanky but not as greasy, and eyes that burned with resentment - the only bits of colour. 

“You’d better have a means for us to go from here directly to the place you call home.” growled Snape.

“As a matter of fact I do, and I have permission to use it.” Smiled Lupin, he extended his hand to Severus holding a single rather rusty nail “If you would.”

“My things… or have you forgotten that  _ people _ may have them Lupin?”  Sneered Snape

“They will be sent, it is arranged with the hospital.” He replied calmly.  _ I have to send them a note and tell them to burn those cursed robes. _

“Very well, and I’d prefer  _ all my possessions _ returned to me from this place - undamaged.” Smirked Snape grabbing the other half of the nail.  

They landed in the middle of his garden. The cottage he inherited is not big but it does have enough space for two of them. He hoped that Snape will be more amiable to finish his recuperation and healing here, away from prying eyes.

“Should I fear for my life Lupin?” Smirked Severus, one eyebrow raised. 

Snape was swaying lightly on his feet and he tried to offer the support. Snape swatted his hand away. With a sigh, he motioned Severus to follow him.

“Your life is in no danger.”

“Yes, I can see that. Is that why you dragged me to this shabby, god-forsaken place in the middle of nowhere?” 

“This place is secluded - yes. It is also equipped with a fortified cellar, and I do receive a monthly dose of Wolfsbane courtesy to the Ministry.” 

He didn’t want to say that their Wolfsbane had a weaker effect than those Snape made for him. Even if the potion and recipe were the same, Lupin presumed that maybe the freshness of the ingredients or maybe the very skill of the brewer had something to with that. 

Not that he wasn’t grateful, Ministry did, after all, put aside the funds for all willing Werewolves to sign and have a monthly supply of the potion. And, unlike for the many - his secret was already out. 

Snape made a noise behind his back.

“And I should take solace in that? You do realise that I thought most of their brewers, and I am painfully familiar with their level of skill? You should consider yourself lucky for not being poisoned already.”

He turned to look at Severus, worry furrowing his forehead when he noticed the ashen colour of Snape’s face and huge specks of sweat.

“Why don’t you accept my help, Severus? You are still weak, and…”

“I  _ can manage _ , Lupin. I do not need nor require your help. You may have drawn the short straw…”

“I volunteered.” 

Those words alone were worthy of saying if for nothing then to see the look of almost shock passing over Severus' features. However, that was only a fleeting expression before scorn returned. 

“So you hoped to score for yourself a personal brewer. I do not feel in debt to you, Lupin.”

“No, I do not expect from you to brew the potion for me, as I said - I have a monthly supply.  _  I, _ on the other hand,  _ have a debt to you _ .” Snape frowned and he turned to fiddle with a lock while he continued to talk. “You paid your dues, over-paid them I should say. You atoned for your mistakes by giving nearly 20 years of your life. I’m sure that you can understand the need for atonement.”

“I am not your charity chase, Lupin. And you are not in debt to me.” 

He lead them into the house - spacious living room, small kitchen with table for tree and two bedrooms. He gave Severus a few moments to take in his new surroundings. Most of the library he inherited from Severus was on the walls - he donated few books to the new Hogwarts library.  

Severus looked around, a sour expression on his face, but he was quiet. Remus found that annoying. Quiet meant that he had to force his brain to stop bombarding him with images, inappropriate images. Images that were not smart to have around Legilimens.

Being in this situation was so wrong and so right at the same time. 

Severus turned to him and asked with the gruff voice. “Where is that whelp of yours?”

“Andromeda got the custody over Teddy, I visit him there twice a week.”  

“Well, at least I won’t have to suffer his presence.” replied Severus after a moment of silence. And Remus would find those words offensive if it weren’t another fleeting look on Snape’s face, one of shock and pity and anger blended together.

“Yes, well... “ Remus mumbled.

“Do I have a place to sleep, or did you planned a rug for me?”

“Yes, you can have my old room, I use my parents' room now. Follow me.”

He lead Severus to a room, painted in bright blue with green and yellow flowers. Snape growled at the walls in bright colours. A huge, wall to wall window, brightened the room with rays of sun. He chuckled.

“I was preparing this room to be a nursery. We can repaint it to better suit your needs... “

“There is no need for that, Lupin. I don’t plan to linger.” hissed Snape “I’d like to be alone now.”

With a sigh, he left the room.  _ This is going to be bloody hard. _


	4. Getting used to each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

_This is going to be bloody hard_ turned out to be an understatement.

Two weeks after they settled into the house, Lupin was on the verge of committing a murder. He had forgotten, oh boy how he had forgotten! Severus had a nature that could annoy a rock, sending it into a fit of rage. And the only reason why Severus was still breathing was due to Lupin’s life-long practice to swallow his temper.

Severus refused to change the wall colour in the room, but he didn’t pass every given opportunity to spill venom and scratching remarks about it.

He complained about the light but refused to put dark drapes.

He grumbled about the food, and Lupin could admit he wasn’t very skilful cook, but he wasn’t that bad. A poisoning wasn’t what one might expect from eating his food.

The man was a monster before his second cup of coffee in the morning. He would grumble and growl, frowning. One small blessing was that Severus avoided conversation until he had his coffee.

Peeling the skin off carrots, Remus sighed, remembering...

... _Severus was out of his room early in the following morning the day after they arrived. His hair was tied at the nape of his neck, the black blood stained robes on him once more. Snape looked gruff and unfriendly, with a grunt instead of the greeting. He handed Snape a mug._

_Severus took the mug, took a sip and spit it back. “Tea? I know you have a death wish, Lupin but I refuse to be your weapon of choice.”_

_“Is tea not to your preference?” he asked sipping his own tea, it was too early in the morning for arguments by his account._

_“Coffee, black, strong.” Snape barked out. “Well, what are you waiting for?”_

_“I am not your House-elf, Severus.” He pointed out but turned to make a coffee_...

And that was just one part of his problems now. The smaller part at that.

When he thought about everything he knew about Snape, in his wildest dreams he didn’t imagine him as so - well _not_ skittish about his looks or nudity. Severus refused to wear beige robes again, in fact, he refused to wear any of Remus' robes. And given that he had only one set of robes, fast Severus adopted a habit of wandering around in his boxer shorts or on a few occasions towel wrapped around his hips.

Severus was skinny, too skinny and too bony for his frame. He wasn’t particularly tall, certainly not compared to Remus, but he wasn’t short and his thin frame gave him much taller appearance.

Severus' skin was parchment yellow and thin, with a net of blue-green veins mapping it. He was, unusually hairless over his chest. But his legs were covered with a thick layer of jet black hairs. Unlike his arms that were almost hairless as well.

A few scars here and there were surprising. He expected much more visible signs on Voldemort followers. Werewolves were full of them, then again - that came with the territory. The biggest and most prominent scar was an ugly, burned-like, blotch on Snape’s left forearm, where the dark mark used to be.

“Your house is too bright, Lupin. One can’t find refuge from the sun.” grumbled a scratchy voice behind him, snapping him from his thoughts.

Remus stifled the growl, refusing to turn his head around. Judging by the sounds, Snape was just out of the shower, which meant that he was covered only with a towel. He sighed.

 _I have to do something about his habit to walk around naked._ “If you refused to put dark drapes in your room then don’t complain.” He replied, half in annoyance - half in frustration.

After a huff, he heard a patter of bare feet going in the direction of his old room. Once the door clicked he released a sharp exhale, putting down carrots and the knife.

_Maybe I should warn him that I’m gay?_

The issue wasn't that he was attracted to men. He wasn't attracted to _all_ men in any case--in fact, he was rather picky. The issue was that he was _attracted to Severus_.  

He hoped that his school days crush was just that, a fleeting hormone induced crush. Apparently, he was wrong. The things he felt during that year he was a teacher at Hogwarts wasn’t the residue of his teenage days.

But more to the point...  considering everything he knew not just about Death Eaters but also wizarding elite - and especially when it concerned someone as shrewd as Severus. Severus was too clever not to figure out what was the true problem behind Remus’ complaint. And Remus was more than a little reluctant to tip off his hand.   

_Merlin, he does not need more ammunition added to his arsenal._

The St.Mungo’s owl flew to the window and landed on the table, eyeing the carrots with contempt. Remus took an owl treat and exchanged it for the letter. Reading the letter he growled.

“Are they insane? How am I supposed to do this?” He twitched, not aware that he was talking aloud until his own voice startled him.

_Atonement indeed. This is not atonement, this is punishment._

~ S ~ S ~ S ~

He could hear Lupin talking in the kitchen. Lying on the bed, he pulled the parts of the old tartan house robe closer. At this moment Severus truly hated his life.

Being trapped here with Lupin was less than bearable.

He did his best to show his displeasure. But even he couldn’t deny that almost any activity caused him to feel weak and vulnerable. A more pressing matter was the severe lack in his clothing options. At this point, he couldn’t decide what he hated more - his old robes or the robes Lupin tried to force him into.

The only bit of amusement he found was in the fact that Lupin was uncomfortable around him when he was in a severe state of undress. Even if his own anxiety went through the roof in those moments, he could rein it in - but Severus continued to parade the flat, scantily clothed.

He found the old housecoat, however,  in the closet of his room. The robe was a bit big for him but he didn’t mind that; the tightly wrapped layers gave him comfort.

_If I could only walk away, the way I was planning. Maybe if I keep pushing… Lupin does seem a touch too homophobic for his own good. I can use that._


	5. Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

Harry was blinking at him from behind his glasses. Lupin closed his eyes, counting to ten. He shouldn’t feel this way towards Harry, but at the same time, Potter should stop pestering him about details. 

“He is the same as always, Harry. And no, he is not trying to ‘make my life a living hell’ as you put it. He does that with everyone around him effortlessly.” He smiled at Harry.

“Can you handle him?” asked Harry, a note of worry in his voice.

“I have nothing to handle, Harry. He spend days in his room and barely gets out of it, mostly for meals. I am not bothered by him, I’m worried.”

“But you look ...“

“If I do look annoyed it is with St. Mungo’s and their brilliant ideas.”  He huffed; two days and he still hadn’t any idea how to approach Severus with the new regime the hospital had suggested.

Harry breathed out in relief. Lupin fought not to frown. For all Harry’s goodness he was still highly suspicious of Severus. Sometimes Lupin wondered why the boy had testified on Snape’s behalf if he still despised him?

_ Too much like his father in that regard. _

“I know I must sound annoying, but... I know that he is on our side, and I know how much I owe him, but ... That  _ is  _ Snape, you know? Too much bad blood, I guess.”

“I think that is an understatement, Harry. But, if I may give you a word of advice, don’t let old hatreds consume you.”

“I won’t. At least I’ll try.”  Harry sighed. “So what is the latest request from St. Mungo’s?”

“They suggested I take him for walks and that he should spend time sunbathing.” He breathed out.  “I have no idea even how to suggest either to him.” 

Harry’s eyes widened, and for a moment Remus thought it was a reaction to his words. Then a gravely baritone behind his back dispersed that thought.

“Potter,  what are you doing here?”

“Last time I checked this is Remus' home.” Harry replied, his face morphing into the familiar stubborn grimace he wore at school. 

“Sadly - yes. Well, I do hope I won’t have the dissatisfaction of seeing you again,” grumbled Severus.

“It is certainly not a pleasure seeing you, especially not this much of you...  _ Professor _ .” Remus held his breath. He wasn’t sure whom of the two he should reprimand. 

“Then I suggest that you. Do. Not. Come. At. All.”

_ How easily they slip into old roles, _ thought Lupin bitterly. 

“ Does he do this often ?” Harry said after Severus left the room.

“Do what?”

“Walking around, almost naked?” 

“Yes. Harry, he has only one set of robes, the one he wore on the day of the battle.” He sighed. Harry looked horrified. “I did plan to take him shopping...“

“If you need anything...“  Harry offered. 

Remus felt sick. It was the same thing all over again.

“There is no need. I have my income and my home. We can manage just fine.” he replied, maybe a tad harsher than he’d intended to. “Thank you for offering.”

Harry flinched and nodded. “Well, I have to go. I came by to see how you are doing and to bring you Wolfsbane, but I have to return to the Ministry.” Harry smiled at him, a slightly insecure smile. 

“Thank you for coming all this way.” 

He followed Harry to the door. He couldn’t wait for the boy to leave. Remus knew this was wrong; Harry was nothing if not well-intentioned. It still hurt him. He couldn’t even bear the thought of depending on another Potter. Once was more than enough, especially after... 

Well, everything. 

Some secrets were worth keeping. This was just another one of them.

“So are we going shopping?” 

Remus jerked his head at the voice. Severus was standing, leaning heavily on the edge of the chair, dressed in his black robes. 

“Would you mind Muggle clothes or used store clothes?” He sighed, bracing for another scathing remark. “I do need to change...“

“No, you do not. If we are going to buy Muggle clothes, you already look like you could blend in.” There was the usual jab, in Snape’s usual tone. Remus chose to ignore it.

“Blend-in?”  

“Yes, Lupin. Salazar, one would not believe that you are half-blood,” said Severus with annoyance. “Muggle clothes mean Muggle shops. I already look like a priest. You... May pass as a... _ monk. _ ”

“A monk, Severus? Muggles are not that stupid.” He scoffed.

“You said the same for our students. You are not known to be the best judge of character.” Severus smirked, one eyebrow raised in challenge. 

“Fine. We’ll have to go to Gringotts first and exchange...“

“Just apparate us to this address.” Severus flicked a parchment in his direction.

Later that night Remus was trying to soak out the pain from his bones. It turned out that Severus did have a contingency plan, one that didn’t involve the wizarding world. Now they both possess more than one Muggle outfit.

Severus did appear disgruntled with his new attire, but Remus had no doubts that Severus would look decent in the Muggle clothing he’d picked out. Of course, Snape didn’t allow him to see. 

He was a bit worried. Severus had told him to apparate them to the Muggle bank, where he’d had a duffle bag secured. As well as some Muggle cash and strange plastic cards. 

Remus felt cheated and scared. Afraid that he might wake one day and discover Severus gone. He didn’t like it one bit, no more than he liked the fact that Snape had dragged him to stores and used  _ his own _ plastic card to pay, mostly for Remus’ clothes. 

As far as he knew,  Severus had bought only a few items for himself. 

Now, Severus was locked in the room with his duffle bag, and more than anything, Remus hated that he had no knowledge of what was in that bag. 


	6. The annoying noise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

At first, Remus thought that he imagined the sound. Just his addled brain playing tricks on him. It started the night after they returned from shopping. He tried to convince himself that he _was_ imagining things.

But he heard the same sound a few nights in a row. Surely, even if Severus did... _indulge_ , he would put up a privacy charm?

Then again, the man walked nearly nude for days on end. At this point, Remus wouldn’t put it past him to neglect a small detail like a sound barrier.

On the third evening he was tossing and turning, rumpled sheets twisting around him like wine. His door was closed. Severus’ door was closed. So how was it possible that he could hear...

Unless...

_Maybe he’s having a nightmare?_

Oddly, that thought had never crossed his mind until that moment. Detangling himself from the sheets, nearly ripping them, Remus walked across the hall and stopped. Sure enough, there it was: that sound.

Laboured breaths and low moaning followed by the occasional grunt.

His hand was halfway to the doorknob when he paused. What if Severus _didn’t_ have a nightmare? What if Severus was doing _exactly_ what Remus thought he was doing? And even if it was a nightmare - would Remus’ presence be welcomed?

No, he was sure that he wouldn’t be welcome in that room, no matter what. Considering everything, his brain didn’t play tricks on his mind alone. Other parts of his anatomy did some impressive tricks, too. One, in particular, tenting his briefs in an extremely revealing way. Most definitely it wouldn’t bode well if he barged into the room now.

Stifling a frustrated growl, he returned to his room. He paced around, hoping that his not-so-little problem would go away. It was too soon after the full moon and his nerves were still raw.

Remus tossed himself on the bed. Walking in circles with an erection wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had. Bringing Severus here wasn’t the best idea, either. It seemed that he was full of bad ideas as off late.

But what he could do?

He _owed_ Severus. They all were in debt to that man, yet no one wanted to help. Remus couldn’t stand aside and watch—not anymore. He’d been watching, for a good part of his life. He’d watched even when Andromeda took his son.

He’d lost everything he cared for—everything except Severus.

Admittedly, he’d never had Severus to begin with. But if he could put a damper on his own runaway hormones, he could help Severus.

He could atone for his silence.

What he certainly wasn’t expecting was that as the days passed, bit by excruciating bit, his imagination and his body rebelled. Remus couldn’t remember—when was the last time he felt like this? Randy and giddy and frustrated?

_Maybe I could...but what if he hears me?_

Remus had no qualms about taking matters into his own hands, but that usually didn’t involve vivid images of one Severus Snape. Now, he _had_ _very vivid images_ of his house guest even without the added pleasure of a wank.

With a growl, he took a spare pillow and tucked it between his thighs, attempting to squash his now painful erection. That... Did not help one bit. His pelvis worked in rhythm, grinding him against the soft surface while his brain worked overtime.

Remus imagined how it would look if he ran a tongue over Severus' oddly hairless chest. Licking, nipping and kissing the skin. He wondered how Severus' skin would taste. Judging by the smell, a bit of salty with a bitter tang. Something like pine needles or fresh herbs, maybe. Remus refused to dwell on the fact that he knew how fresh pine needles tasted.

In retrospect, humping the pillow really didn’t help his issue either. So he decided to take matters into his own hands, or hand as it happened to be. Tugging on his cock with zeal, Remus allowed his imagination to run wild.

He closed his eyes and imagined that instead of his, it was Severus' hand around his cock. His movements slowed as he imagined Severus teasing him, bringing him to the brink and then a few steps back. With another frustrated growl, he summoned a jar of lube. Remus nearly whined when he let go of his cock to open the jar and to reposition himself for better access.

Coating the fingers of one hand, he shifted onto his belly. Raising his butt high, he reached to play at his entrance, smearing the lube and probing. He didn’t do this often— after all, it wasn’t easy to finger oneself while tugging on one’s own cock, for him. Remus never claimed to be proficient at that “tap your head and rub your belly at the same time” game.

But now he fumbled and shifted until he found the right angle. Easing one finger inside he hissed slightly at the burn. That ache reminded him of how long it had been since he had any actual penetrative sex.

_I guess it is like riding a broom._

Finally, settling into a thrusting—if limited depth—motion, he wiggled his free hand back to his neglected cock. Very fast, one finger turned out to be less than what his body needed. He imagined Severus behind him, thrusting his fingers in a shallow tease. He added another finger and winced slightly—at the stretch and the angle.

Remus could almost hear an order barked in Severus' cross voice ‘ _Bring yourself off._ ’ He resumed tugging on his prick and wiggled his fingers with heightened enthusiasm, biting his lips to prevent whimpers.

_If I can hear him, he doesn’t necessarily have to hear me._

It was over too soon for him.

With a muffled yelp into the pillow, Remus rolled to the side. Muscles trembling, one hand still squeezing on his deflating cock, the fingers of the other still lodged inside him. Pain in his shoulder and the tenderness in his butt reminded him that he could disentangle himself. 

He had a few moments of bliss before the guilt crept its way into his mind. Long ago Remus had made a deal with himself—never to fantasize about unreachable blokes.

Severus... Severus was in that category. He was unreachable on so many levels that Remus didn’t know where to begin. It was an unnecessary self-punishment, but over the years he’d come to see Severus on the same level as his curse. He just couldn’t escape it, so he learned how to live with it and control it as much as it was possible.

However, recent developments—living with the vitriol-tongued source of his affections had disrupted his balance. More and more, he caught himself daydreaming about Severus' hands. Or lips. Or skin, or... Other parts. Lately, he’d thought more and more about how endowed Severus was or how would he taste.

And that irked him.

This was wrong. Maybe he could talk to Severus, point out that Remus could hear him. A complaint of sorts, perhaps.  


	7. Sunburned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

“You may write to them and tell them I refused.” Growled Severus.

“They told me that you will have to return there if you do not follow your healing regime.” Sighed Remus.

If he didn’t know the man in front of him he would swear that Severus was having a temper tantrum or at least an adult version of it. He refused to go to the walks. He was arguing every time when sunbathing was even mentioned. 

“I understand that you can be thick Lupin, but do try to comprehend this -  _ I. Don’t. Do. Sun. _ ”

Severus adopted his old house robe, and he was tugging it now, wounding it tightly around his body. That was so uncharacteristic of Severus. So dislodged from the gruff persona he wore. 

“You have two choices, Severus - follow Mediwizard’ instruction here or you’ll have to return to St Mungo‘s.” Repeated Remus with a bit of annoyance in his voice. 

He hated this, he knew that hospital won’t take Severus back, but mediwizard explained to him why the sun was important. He hated himself for deception, for not telling the truth. Most of all, he hated how Severus looked right now - his words were the same as always but something was different about the man, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. 

Severus stared at him, grim and angry. Colour of his face switching from yellowish to grey. Finally, black eyes glittered with some deep shine, unreadable but strong enough to give Severus in whole a menacing look. 

“Very well...” Severus hissed through clenched teeth “If I have to suffer, so will you. The moment you step into the house I will too.”  Saying that Snape turned at his heel, swayed slightly and squared his shoulders walking out of the living room. 

As the time passed, Remus' irritation grew. 

Heat rising up his neck had a little to do with the sun, and he guessed that his only saving grace was the fact that he already was reddish from the sun and exhortation. It wasn’t the smartest to work around the garden in this time of the day, under the burning sun - but it beat looking at Severus.

Severus... 

Severus was on one of the old lounge chairs, stretched under the parasol. He dozed off soon after he settled on the chair, but even in sleep, his posture radiated his protest. So Remus took it as a good sign when Severus fell asleep. He conjured the parasol and went to work in the garden. 

Remus wondered why he was in the sun at all. Severus couldn’t know if he was in the house or in the garden. 

_ I gave him my word. _

But even that was a lie. Severus made an ultimatum and had not said a word since then. 

_ He has a point, every time he calls me a spinless rug. I allow even him to order me around, and I follow like an idiot that I am. _

He could be under the shade, same as Severus. But that would mean sitting next to Severus dressed only in the faded cut-offs. 

_ When did he get those anyway? _

“You mean misanthropic imbecile!” 

Remus jumped, startled with a hissed insult. He turned to gaze at Snape who gave off the appearance of an angry porcupine. 

“You let me fall asleep on the sun.” the words dripped poison, falling over thin lips like darts.

“I did not, but maybe I should have.” he replied crossly “Or did you missed the parasol all together? I enchanted it to keep you in shade at all times.” 

“You moron, parasol do create shadow, he does not block the sun. Sunrays still can pass through it.” hissed Snape getting out of the chair. “I was on the sun, you can let them know and we can return to our customary sitting in the home.”

Severus stood up and growled, looking dizzy. He jumped to help him but Snape only hissed at him. Worried, Remus followed Severus into the house. Only in the shade of the room, he noticed that Severus's skin was indeed painfully red. 

Severus, on the other hand, marched straight to the kitchen and started to open the cabinets.

“What are you looking for?” 

“You do possess a basic brewing equipment? At least I hope that someone in the house did, given the plants in the garden.” growled Severus.

“I do, now sit down and tell me what do you need?”

“A cauldron, a rod, chopping board, olive oil, chamomile, mint, a dash of sage, some aloe vera - fresh if you don’t mind, knife and  you out of my way.”

He sighed starting to pile up requested items, Severus pulled back to avoid any contact. 

“It is just a bit of sunburn, it won’t kill you-you know? And after you’ll have a nice tan. A bit of colour could do you some good.” He tried to reason. Severus' skin did have a shade of perfectly cooked lobster but Snape’s reaction was still blown out of proportions. 

“For your information, you ignoramus, it won’t.”

“Won’t what?”

“The colour, it won’t stay. It will be painful for a few days until the redness is gone and then I’ll be the same old charming self with no tan. I told you ...  _ I don’t do sun _ . Now, move away.”

“Severus you have no strength to... “

“And you have no skill worth mentioning.” 

Severus nearly pushed him from the table and hissed. He was still in the same faded cut-offs. With sigh Remus watched him struggle with chopping the basic ingredients. Sweat covered Severus' skin fast. His face was pinched in concentration and a low hiss would escape his lips. 

Watching Snape struggle with mortar and pestle he offered. “Allow me to help, Severus.”

“I told you, Lupin. I can manage without your help. In fact, next time  _ don’t help  _ at all.” grumbled Severus. 

“Severus, what harm can I do if I…”

The situation changed in a second. One moment looking skittish and unsure on his legs the other Snape was moving with fast, purposeful steps. In no time Severus was upon him, dragging him to his feet, hissing. 

Remus' breath hitched. It wasn’t smart for him being this close to Severus nowadays, even when Severus was dressed. Curling his hand into fists Remus allowed himself to look startled. It is better to let Severus believe that he is afraid of him than to let him know…

Severus' face was a mask of furry. A menacing smile lingered on his lips, his voice low and gravely and yet smooth, like silk dragged over pebbles.  


	8. Poison and roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

Holding the scruffs of  Lupin’s shirt, Severus hoped that his strength will hold. This sudden burst drained him. He is in pain, his skin - unnaturally tight. He is bone weary and he felt agitated, frustrated for weeks now. 

_ Coming here was a bad idea. _

But, what were his options? 

If he stayed with Potter and his patsy he’d be in Azkaban by now. He might have escaped being punished for Dumbledore’s murder, but he doubted that would be any liberating circumstances if he resolved the world of the Golden Trio. 

Lupin’s breath came in short bursts. 

_ Well, well, the wolf is afraid. It is intimidation time then. _

Fixing a smile that would scare most of the Death Eaters, and in fact, did scare them in his time, he glared at Lupin. Severus wished that he could read him as easy as he could read everyone else. It took him years to understand that he couldn’t apply Legilimency on Lupin because of Lupin’s curse.

Summoning what was left of his strength he pushed Lupin back against the wall, hissing.

“You will stop pestering me, Lupin. You will stop competing with Molly for the Mother Hen award. You will send those idiots from St. Mungo’s on their merry way - as far from me as possible.”

“And why would I do that?” Lupin narrowed his eyes at him. Cheeky words did not match the expression on Lupin’s face. 

“Or you will bear the consequences.” He set his voice to the volume just above a whisper, with threatening note. 

“What... consequences?”

There is a note of mocking as well as something else in Lupin’s voice. Severus growled, he hoped that it won’t come to this - but if he can scare Lupin good enough to make him back off...  

Well, the idea was his last resort, but the pain reminded him that he had to take action. The self-preservation had strong ruts deep inside him. 

“I might decide to use you as a pastime toy in lack of other options.” He hissed, aware that Lupin doesn’t have a clue about what he is talking. Not wanting to give any opportunities to Lupin he forced his trembling muscles to action. 

Shoving Lupin firmer to the wall he tilted his head just enough to press his lips on Lupins. He could feel Lupin tensing his muscles and going still, so very still.

_ Good. Now to make a point.  _

Sinking his teeth in Lupin’s lower lip, he waited for a second or two, dragging the tip of his tongue just near the pressed line of Lupin’s lips. And when Lupin released startled gasp he slid his tongue inside. 

There was a burst of sensations. Lupin tasted like black tea, fresh sage leaves and something wild, something he couldn’t put his finger on. It was a pleasant blend. But, this wasn’t supposed to be pleasant, for either of them. This supposed to be intimidating, to scare Lupin’s homophobic ass away from him.  

While he researched the inside of Lupi’s mouth he contemplated should he go a step further and hammer that nail firmly by pressing his pelvis against unnaturally still Lupin. Finally, he decided against the idea - his strength started to give out.  

The whole kiss didn’t last long. For some reason, it felt like an eternity to him. Separating from Lupin he smirked. Lupin’s eyes were wide open and unblinking, breath short. He still had his mouth open, palms against the body, fingers spread wide. 

_ Someone might think I petrified him.  _

His own legs proved to be an unsteady support, so he pushed Lupin on the chair, using him to launch himself to the edge of the table. Securing that Lupin won’t fall down he sat on the edge of the table taking a nonchalant pose. He could act, that saved his skin more than once, but he was weak. 

With a smirk, he gazed at still stunned Lupin.

“Well, I hope this delivered the message.”

He relished in a slow nod of Lupin’s head, shock still written all over Lupins’ face. 

_ Bollocks, this was a bad idea.  _

Taking a deep breath he forced himself to push off the table and walk around it. He took the knife and returned to chopping, but his hands trembled, unpleasantly so. At least it looked like Lupin started to come out of the shock, and attempted to speak judging by the incoherent noises he was making. 

_ This  _ **_was_ ** _ a bad idea indeed.  _ He thought bitterly.  _ Too bad the man does not bend. What am I thinking about?! It is Lupin! The werewolf. Get a grip on yourself, Severus. _

He barely managed to avoid cutting himself. Swearing loudly he leaned on the table, wondering if it's all about his weaken health or did his plan backfired?

“Let me, Severus. I won’t brew, but I can chop.” Lupin’s voice snapped him from his thoughts. Lupin avoided to touch him but he did took the knife from his hand. The other man still looked shaken a bit, he definitely had a glow of someone thoroughly snogged.

“You do not respond well to warnings, Lupin? Or are you dense enough that it still didn’t sink in?” Severus hissed, reluctantly moving to sit on the chair. His hands trembled visibly, and beyond his ability to control them. 

“Oh, I heard you loud and clear. You just may find that I’m not that easy to intimidate, Severus. After all, between two of us - I am the one who is  _ dark _ .” Lupin’s voice was mild, tempered and soft. But Lupin’s eyes were determined when he gazed at Severus. “You don’t know me at all if you think that a bit of snogging would intimidate me.”

“I made the point of my life not to know you, Lupin. And I would indeed lead a happy life if I never even met you.” He rumbled gruffly.

It seemed that Lupin managed to collect himself. He was calm as always and focused on work. He even wasn’t all that bad at chopping and grinding ingredients, not that Severus would ever admit that. He was the one who was shaking and shivering. He pointedly avoided to dwell on why. 

“Shall I brew as well or do you want me to remove myself from the kitchen?” Asked Lupin with a naive look on his face.

Severus had a desire to strangle the annoyance, or maybe... No! He most definitely wanted to strangle Lupin at that moment. His hands were shaking and Lupin must have noticed it. This was a mind game, the one to force him to humiliate himself. 

“You do have a desire to further prove your inadequacy in brewing?” He scoffed.

“I might surprise you, Severus.” Smiled Lupin, a glimmer of challenge in his eyes. 

“Very well, let me see that  _ miracle _ .” He crossed his hands over his chest, hissed and lowered his hands swiftly. 


	9. Bad ideas and repercussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

He continued to sit on the chair, taking care not to touch much of anything and observing Lupin. He would bark an insult about Lupin’s technique or inadequacy from time to time even if he didn’t have too many objections, Lupin was reasonably adequate at what he called amateurish home brewer.

Not that he would ever admit that to Lupin. “Even slices, Lupin, under the 45-degree angle, that is not a firewood.” He smirked.

The potion would still work with less perfect chunks but the maximum potency required precision. And he was in dire need of maximum potency if he had any desire to sleep that night or in the next few nights. 

His skin was taut, a painful shade of dark red and dry. He felt the unpleasant feverish sensation and slight shivers. The last he needed was a fever caused by falling asleep on the sun. There was a good reason he avoided the sun and why he disliked summer. 

If Severus wanted to be completely honest with himself, there was more than one reason he avoided sun. First one was now obvious. The second... He always connected sun and sunshine with happiness, and joy, and all that ... which only happen to others but never him. 

Sunshine was warm and playful, it clashed severely with the gloom and grim in his soul and in his life. It also made it harder to hide, not to think and not to want. But now, he couldn’t escape it in Lupin’s overly bright home. 

Now, he had to face all his demons - visible in the brightness that surrounded him.

Looking at Lupin work he frowned.  _ It is all his fault. _

Yes, the sun was for the likes of Lupin. Lupin who already had a slight bronze on his torso and arms and face and legs as far as he could see. He briefly wondered how far that bronze went and were there parts still milky white?

Shaking his head mentally he tried to chase that image away.

Lupin was working diligently. His muscles gleaming on the streak of light behind his back. Skin marred, but taut over slick muscles. Muscles that jumped and stretched, full of strength.

Obviously, the married life suited Lupin. He wasn’t that thin and sickly looking anymore. Then again he was the last person to complain about thin. His own body verging on serious malnutrition. Lupin’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“It is done. And it is brewed perfectly if I can say so myself.” grinned Lupin.

“You may, but I’ll be the judge of potions quality.” Severus frowned, standing up. 

“Sit down, Severus. I’ll apply the potion to your skin. I don’t know how but you managed to burn on your back as well.”

“Hot oil causes blisters even on healthy skin, Lupin.”

“Yes, well - while you were daydreaming the potion cooled down.”

“I was watching you, you were…”

“Cleaning up. Now sit still, I’ll try not to cause pain.”

“Imposible! Your very existence causes pain.” 

Lupin just smiled and approached him. He watched as Lupin coated his hands with a potion that did have the right consistency, colour and smell.

“I’ll start with your legs. It appears that they didn’t burn as much.” 

Lupin’s need to chatter drove him mad. Lupin crouched and pulled his right leg, spreading the oily substance over the front of his foot, and then the ankle managing to hit that one spot, just below and slightly behind the bone.  

Severus ground his teeth and set a firm mask of contempt. Lupin was nothing if not - meticulous. He took his time coating the skin with the oily concoction with such care that Severus found himself fighting hard against squirming.

It wasn’t that he had preferences towards Lupin...well... He had enough of a mind to have a healthy fear of Lupin and he detested the man. But in all honesty, he alone wasn’t that picky about… well... 

_ Ok, yes, there was a time when I did think...  But that was before...  _

In the meantime, Lupin managed to reach his knees and find yet another spot, one below the knee. Lupin’s hands gilded dangerously above his knees reaching the exposed skin to the rim of his cutouts. He stared at Lupin with a smirk, pretending not to feel when one wandering thumb sneaked under the jeans. 

_ So, he’s is not as skittish as I thought him to be. Well, it was worth a try.  _

Peering on still kneeling Lupin he smirked. “Ben practising, Lupin?”

“Hmmm?” Lupin raised his eyes to meet Severus', a mild smile lingering in the corners of Lupin’s mouth and sort of dreamy glow in his eyes. “Practising what? I had to make my own salves, Severus. Not many apothecaries are willing to sell potions and ointments to a Werewolf.”

“Your skill as a ... cook... is not discussed at the moment.” He frowned  _ Bloody wolf, I won’t be bested by you. _

“Potions are art, Severus. Wouldn’t you think it is degrading for your own art to call it a cooking?”

“Potion making  _ is _ an art - it requires skill, precision and keen mind. All of which you do not possess. I would, however, call what you did - cooking. But not to tire your diminutive power of perception, Lupin, I was and am referring to your House Elf traits.”

“Oh! Being a masseur in a muggle world is a honest work, Severus.” replied Lupin with a slight shrug, still smiling. 

That calm annoyed him immeasurably. Lupin stood up and took more oil on his hands.

“Your hands now, if you don’t mind.”

“I mind, but I have no choice.”

Lupin caressed every finger, every bloody knuckle with dedication. Severus mashed his lips tighter and steeled his muscles. Waiting for a slow torture to finish. 

Silence engulfed them, and only the sound of wet slosh of ointment over bare skin reverberated against the walls. Severus tried to ignore the sound. 

Reciting ingredients for complex potions always helped him to still his mind. This time - it did nothing. Lupin’s gentle touch moved from his arms to his back. The way Lupin moved his hands Severus could swear it was more of a caress than a simple help. 

He nearly jumped when Lupin run his slick palms over his shoulders, standing behind him now.  _ When did he move? _ And run a gentle line against his pectorals. He wanted to say something scratchy but at that point, Severus couldn’t trust his voice. 

He focused on being still. Not to move a muscle, not to break the aura of disdain he tried to project. The hands slide against his skin, soft and tender, not pressing - a butterfly light touch. It made a bad situation even worse.

Not pressing - that seemed to be the highlight of the day.

Severus wondered if he had to control his body’s reactions this hard ever in his life. No, not to his knowledge. Not even when he was under the force of Voldemort’s ire. Lupin’s palms glided over the edge of his ribs and down his sunken abdomen. 

Lupin’s hands reached the hem of his jeans.

“Awful handsy, aren’t you Lupin?” He smirked. 

“Not ‘handsy’, Severus. I’m just applying the salve on your skin.”

“Indeed. Well, do try to resist the urge to ‘kiss it better’.” He scoffed.

Lupin's hands moved. Lupin moved. 

He could breathe again. But his ironclad control was slipping. Standing up he, walked with deliberate leisure to the door. 

“I’d say that this concludes my sunbathing days.” He added, not turning back. 

Severus did his best not to rush to his room. It wouldn’t play well for him if Lupin thought he somehow managed to get the upper hand. But, his control was now in a steep decline. 

Letting the door lock behind him he casted a silent locking and sound charms. The rush of blood he controlled with sheer will slammed downwards fast. He growled in frustration. Wasn’t it enough that he woke up more than once with a sticky wet patch on his underwear. Something he managed to escape after the passing of his teenage days. 

Now he had the same problem when awake.

Unzipping his jeans, too tight and rough all of a sudden, he growled again. There was a stark difference between almost sour cherry red shade of his skin and soft yellowish-white of his lower belly, his privates and portion of his legs. 

_ I look like a bloody clownfish.  _

But that wasn’t the imminent problem. The more pressing matter stared at him proudly jutting almost parallel with the floor and angry reddish, aching. 

Taking his cock into a hand, blissfully still slick from the ointment, he used another hand to lean at the wall. It was just his luck that Lupin wasn’t intimidated by the kiss - no, the man appeared much calmer not to mention handsy than he anticipated.

And that kiss... In the retrospect it caused much more trouble to him than to Lupin, given that he was now not only tugging but also thrusting into his own hand. 

_ Bloody Lupin. Just my sodding luck. This is the last thing I needed. _

The thrusting picked up the pace, so did the tugging. Laboured puffs of breath heavy in his chest. With an angry tug, almost painful, he tried to exorcise the taste of Lupin and the image of Lupin thrusting into him... 

Now, that was new - even for him.

_ Sweet Salazar.  _ “Bloody, Lupin” He grunted, coating the happy coloured wall with his seed.

Panting, he stumbled to the bed and flopped down, then jumped like the bed was made out of needles. Siting carefully he huffed.

“Bloody, Lupin. Idiot.”


	10. The game of cat and mouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

Lupin gazed at retreating Severus' back. He wasn’t sure should he sigh in relief or frustration.

_What the hell was that?_

He could feign that he was unaffected by that ... Lupin sighed, it seemed to him that kiss would be too much to call it. It was an attack, carefully designed to intimidate.

Then again, one does not use his tongue to caress, and one does not moan while intimidating. Attack or not - one thing was more than sure, he’ll have a hell of a time from now on.

Years of control over his urges taught him not to react. Or at least not to react immediately, and that was only saving grace Severus had. Not in a million years, he could imagine that Severus would choose _that_ to scare him off.

Remus chuckled. _If he only knew._

Well at least he did guess correctly, Severus was far from - prudish. Still, not having a problem to snog a bloke doesn't necessarily mean that Severus was into blokes. And he might have guessed by now how poorly aimed his plan was.

 _I was handsy._ Remus admitted to himself.

During the entire time he chopped and brewed and kept eyes on Severus - his lips were tingling, the taste of Severus lingering on. And when the potion was done - he simply couldn’t resist.

The tips of his fingers still vibrated from the touch of Severus' too warm skin. He couldn’t resist not to explore at least just a bit. With an almost gentle smile, he thought of all those hidden spots he detected.

Remus had to admit, Severus had a great control - the twitching under his fingers was barely noticeable. If he didn't look for it he would have missed it. There was a chance that Severus didn’t have to apply any self-control at all and that-that was just a simple minor reaction to stimuli.

Remus sighed.

Whether Severus reacted to him - the idea he prefered but deeply doubted, or was merely enduring his molestation - he needed a long icy cold shower.

~RL ~ SS ~

The next few days turned out to be as frustrating as Remus imagined they would be.

The sounds from Severus' room continued, even increased in volume. And Remus spent many of those nights under the cover of silencing spell, letting his imagination run wild.

Severus, on the other hand, spent most of the time in his room, locked away, grumpy and sombre.

With all the jabs and barbs and sneers coming from Severus, Remus thought that he would lose his patience. But there was something, something underneath all that - the slight variation in Severus' tone of voice. An odd look when Severus thought that he didn’t notice.

Remus was wondering if his imagination played a trick on him or not.

Each day, for at least a few times, Severus would emerge from his room and demanded from him to apply ointment. ‘ _A fitting punishment for forcing him to burn._ ’

Remus sometimes wondered if Severus was trying to gauge how much that situation rattled him. Well, it did, but not in a way Severus hoped. Still, he wasn’t one to look a gifts horse into mouth, so he dutifully continued to apply medicine, relishing in the smooth glide against Severus' skin.

Of course, there was a burst of guilt after that.

It went against everything Remus believed. He felt almost dirty for such blatant use of Severus' ignorance. And each time he promised himself that he will tell Severus. And somehow he always failed to tell.

It wasn’t that he would lose Severus' friendship. He never had that. This was completely selfish -  he would lose the opportunity to touch, to be near Severus. He nearly got addicted to Severus' scratchy ‘ _Enjoying yourself, Lupin?_ ’ followed with a smirk and something deeply hidden in dark eyes.

And then, there were those moments when Severus would just relax, his muscles melting the tension away and he would just linger under his touch. Harsh features softening and having a distant almost longing expression.

Severus was a puzzle Remus just couldn’t solve.

Days melted in Remus' mind.  He did feel at least a bit of guilt, seeing how slowly Severus healed. That only gave him motivation to faster finish his work and to be nicer to Severus.

He took on making breakfast and bringing it to Severus' door, knocking gently on them. He daily brought fresh herbs to Severus, asking should he dry them or preserve in any other manner. And bit by bit he managed to persuade Severus to spend evenings with him. They would sit in the room reading while sipping tea in amicable silence.

Halfway through all this Remus finally realised - he was courting Severus.

Not that he had any idea how to court anyone, little less Severus. The man was like a wild and dangerous animal at best of times. Not to mention that Remus still didn’t have any idea if Severus would be inclined to even consider him as potential... _what?_

Severus' love for Lily was a glaring proof of man’s preferences.

And then there was that - kiss.


	11. It started with a tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

The day when Severus emerged from his room, dressed once more in Remus' old house robe was the day when Remus decided to finally have _the talk_ with Severus.

Fussing over scrambled eggs Remus prepared himself for a rough morning. They were out of coffee and out of any form of tea leaves. With trepidation, he eyed the box of Earl Grey tea-bags.

The sound of running water coming from the direction of bathroom told him that Severus was up and about. Remus put the kettle on the stove and sighed. He planned to survive the morning without harming Severus or being harmed by Severus.

 _The talk_ will have to wait some luckier times.

Severus roamed into the kitchen, hair still wet, dried only by the towel and in black cotton boxer shorts, with a loosely tied robe belt. He glanced at the man and held his breath, counting to ten.

_Don’t start now, wait until you return from the town with the coffee._

It was painfully obvious that this morning will be unpleasant when Severus growled and barked.

“Where is my coffee, Lupin?”

“I’m not your bloody House Elf, Severus.” he bit back.

“You are taking care of me, so I do expect the bare minimum.” Growled Severus in response. “Without it, I might not find the incentive to say here.”

“You are staying here because you have nowhere else to go, Severus.” Evenly replied Remus.

 _Stop fighting with him._ But that was easier said than done. His fried nerves got the best of his temper.

“I’ll make my own bloody coffee. Move away. At least for once, I’ll have properly brewed coffee instead of that sludge you serve me every morning.” Hissed Severus, standing up.

“There is no coffee. I’ll buy it today.”

“Tea then - something strong….”

“No tea either. I have only Earl Gray…”

“Bugger. Very well then...” ground out Snape in a tone that clearly stated how much things were not fine, not even a little bit.

Remus tossed a glance over his shoulder, Severus was sitting behind the table looking like the world was coming to an end and he had a desire to smash something.  

“I have Earl Gray tea bags.”

“I. Don’t. Do. Tea. Bags. Lupin.” Hissed Snape.

_Don’t… don’t… don’t do it!_

“Did you ever try it?” He asked with a mischievous note. Apparently, this morning his mouth and his ability to act reasonably were at odds.

“How dense exactly are you, Lupin? Of course, I did - that is how I know that I don’t like tea bags.” growled Severus, staring at him now with disdain.

“Bad experience, eh? Well, I’ve heard that you could change your mind if you are introduced to the experience properly.” he continued, wondering why he can’t just keep his mouth shut.

But he had a rather good idea. Severus' skin finally healed, returning to the pale slightly old parchment parlour. It was one thing to be frustrated and alone, and another to be frustrated and taunted - even unintentionally.

“The taste is atrocious, the consistency is appaling at best, they leave a bad aftertaste and stick to your teeth…” Hissed Snape, narrowing his eyes.

“Well, it helps if you do not chew...on them.”

“Chew?” Snape’s eyes widened slightly “Did you completely took a leave of your sanity this morning, Lupin? Should I feel concerned about my safety?”

“Only if you are determined to use your teeth.” Remus had a hard time keeping his need to laugh in check, amused by this conversation. What threatened to be very bad morning, turned into its opposite.

“Teeth, you did lose your mind! Who in the right mind chews on a tea bag…” Severus paused mid-sentence.

Remus could see cogs turning slowly in Severus' head.

“What are we talking about, Lupin?” Severus' voice had a note of anger and caution.

He couldn’t hold it anymore. Turning to face Severus fully he burst into a laughter. Snape’s face paled a bit, eyes narrowed into slits. His voice was cold and vitriolic when he finally spoke again.

“I see that adolescence still didn’t manage to escape your clutches, Lupin.”

Abruptly, Severus stood up and moved to exit the kitchen, mumbling in his chin. Remus couldn’t hear all that Severus said but words like ‘minerva...furballs...idiot’ floated to him. He did, however, catch on the last part fully.

“... Not that I could expect better from a mongrel that licks his balls once a month.”

In a blink of an eye, he was upon Severus, pinning him against the doorframe, anger bubbling in his voice. “I suggest you stop insulting me Severus and start acting like a proper guest. Or I might just let that ‘mongrel’ off the chain.”

Snape’s eyes shifted slightly, there was a fleeting expression of fear before Snape’s face hardened into a sneer. “And do - what? What could a spineless rug like you do to me? Or is this your idea of atonement? To finish what you and your friends started in school?” Hissed Snape.

“You keep on pushing your luck and I might just show you.”

“Oh, did I insult your sensitivity, Lupin, by stating the truth?”

“Go and get dressed, Severus.” He warned. The taunting made his blood boil, proximity kept the fire at high. “No more intimidation by snogging. No more walking around almost naked. I. Expect. You. To. Behave.”

“Does my state of undress offend your sense of morality, beast?” Smirked Snape, pushing to remove Remus' hand that was pinning him.

“Keep on with that charade and you might get surprised by my sense of morality.”

“You are a hypocrite, Lupin.”

“Me? And what about you? Small advice, Severus - next time if you want to intimidate... know your victim first.” Hissed Remus, pushing back against struggling Severus.

“I don’t need to know you more than I already do, Lupin. A bit of skin a snog and you’re up the wall... “

Remus laughed again, pressing harder on Snape’s collarbones with his forearm. He moved his head close, inhaling the smell of citrus and almonds and purred venomously in Snape’s ear.

“I’d say you are the one ‘up the wall’ at the moment.” He struggled with his conflicting needs - one to snog Snape until he couldn’t resist temptation, other to strangle the life out of Severus. “For your information, Severus - I’m gay.”

_Well, at least that cat is out of the bag._

It all happened in a blink of an eye. Snape pushed hard, shoving him off and backing away a few paces, wand in hand. The words were just a gargle of intangible letters. Remus watched shock, anger, frustration and fear mixed with sadness shift over Severus' face.

He could only watch as Severus retreated, walking backwards and shaking his head.

The slam of the room’s door vibrated with the resonant certainty.  


	12. Judgement call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

Anger, frustration but above all fear swirled in him. Walking briskly to his room, Severus swore under the breath. This was bad.

Not that he appreciated being played for a fool - which he most definitely did not. But somehow, that was least of his worries at the present moment. Of course, those who play with fire can get burned, but why he had to be on the short end of the stick every single time?

Oh, it wasn’t the fact that Lupin was gay that...

Maybe it was, but not for the reason Lupin might think off…

And not that he...

Severus blew a frustrated puff of air through his nose. Why was this so hard? He stood in front of the Dark Lord, and lied to him in his face, fully aware of what would happen if he was discovered. He tried to bargain his way out even when it was obvious to him that all was lost. Then why now  did he have a problem even formulating thoughts, little less vocalising them?  

If he wanted to be honest - he knew the answer. The main problem was... Severus wasn’t so sure he wanted to be that honest, even to himself. He did make a point of not lying to himself - but this was an exception. 

_ Some mistakes are not worth even thinking off. _

He sat on the bed but moved fast to the opposite corner when a ray of bright light blinded him. He glared at the streak of sun, reaching into the room through the crack in the drapes. That streak of light was almost offensive, too happy and calm. 

There was nothing happy about the fact that Remus Lupin was gay. 

That placed him in a rather delicate predicament. He could draw back, declaring his surrender. Then again maybe there was something to salvage from it. But he would have to be careful. 

Some other things, however, came to light. He watched as specks of dust danced in the sun ray, their irregular, lazy pattern helping him focus. Yes - there was an angle he could work out if he read the signs correctly. 

Suddenly the breakfast, the herbs, reading...everything had a different meaning. It almost looked like Lupin was trying to ... court him? Or was that just an unfortunately clumsy way of apology?   

“Agh!” He exclaimed, slashing his hand through the stream of sunshine, disrupting the lazy path of dust specks in it. He watched as specks twirled before returning to the more peaceful track.

_ Now, let me see...  Do I need it? _

Given how long he had only himself for the company the most logical answer would be - yes, he indeed needed a bit of...well - sex.

_ Do I want it...with  _ **_him_ ** _? _

That was or maybe wasn’t the question at all. Lupin was good looking, he did appear quite fit and...well...It was Lupin. This was a true conundrum. The fact that the person was Remus Lupin was pro and con all at the same time.

Then again he always wondered how would be to… Then again - maybe not…

_ Let’s say that I  _ **_do want_ ** _ , few issues should be addressed. The question of compatibility. Preference.  _

Severus frowned. Yes, preference could present a problem. The fact that Lupin was a rug in a everyday life didn’t necessarily mean that Lupin was a rug in bed. He himself was, at least until now, very unyielding in his preferences. 

With a growl he buried his face in the hands, rubbing his palms over it.

_ What am I thinking of?  _

Well, he obviously didn’t think straight. The other parts of his anatomy merrily joined in the decision-making process, saluting to the idea. Not to mention that his blood decided to emigrate to the lower parts of his body. 

With a tormented hiss he divested himself, rummaged briefly through the duffle bag until he found what he was looking for, frowning at the objects in his hands. A bottle of Muggle lube, something he deemed good enough to use, not to mention he had to get used to it if he planned to live among Muggles. And a silicone cone. 

The most of his frown was aimed at the silicone cone in his hand. He did use it on occasion but was  _ now _ one of those occasions? His thoughts conjured up the image of growling Lupin, pinning him to the doorframe and hissing in his ear. A shiver ran down his spine.

He couldn’t remember if anyone ever even attempted to pin him or in any other way display such dominant attitude. Certainly not in bed, in bed he was the aggressor. And yet his cock swelled more. It appeared to him that at the moment  _ all _ the blood he possessed somehow concentrated in that part of his body.

With a determined nod, he climbed to the bed placing the plug next to him. Opened the bottle and coated the toy and his fingers. Finally, he turned on his stomach and positioned himself, ass high in the air chest on the bed. Coating his back entrance with the generous amount he pushed one finger in.

Admittedly, this wasn’t the best way and he couldn’t reach too deep but it was better than nothing. Taking the toy he carefully positioned it and started to push, bearing down at the same time. 

It was too long since the last time he was in the mood for something like that. He noted that for further reference. Rocking gently, he pushed the toy each time just a bit further. With a lot of grunting and sweating, he finally managed to set the blasted thing in place. 

Rolling on his back he sighed. The familiar feeling of fullness and the nudging on the right place encouraged him after initial discomfort. 

_ Just like riding a broom.  _ He chuckled.  _ Given the size of it, it might as well pass as a small broom handle.  _

Spreading the remain of the lube on his too eager member he started to stroke. Slowly at first thinking about Lupin. How he looked like, his movements around the house. The kiss - his hand speeded up a bit. How Lupin smelled and tasted.  

His hips moved on their own accord, thrusting up. With each move the plug shuffled, bumping at the spot inside. The way Lupin pushed him, hot breath on his ear and neck. Biting out the moans and grunts his hand blurred now in a loose-squeeze-loose twisting motion. 

His buttocks squeezed, clenching and unclenching. Dancing in the air above the bed. 

Biting his forearm to muffle the cry, he bumped his but on the bed, bucking in his hand one last time. Finally stilling, heavy breaths sounding too loud in the room. He felt pleasantly tired. This release was more satisfactory than all previous ones. 

Forcing himself to move he groped for the wand and cleared out the mess. The plug could stay for a while longer.

Very well, he could be amicable with reconsidering a few options and possibilities. Still, all this didn’t mean that Lupin would be willing... 

_ Of course, he would! This is Lupin, not like he has too many offers.  _

Now offer, that could be a tricky one. For him, it usually meant just approaching the desired target, be it a male or female, and suggesting. But that was the rule in circles he frequented before. Severus highly doubted that he would be welcomed there now. 

And with his attitude, it wouldn’t boot well if Lupin thought he gained an upper hand. No, that had to be done subtly. If he could trick Lupin into suggesting... now, that would be perfect. 

Making a decision, finally satisfied he sunk into a soft slumber. 


	13. The game of seduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

To say that he was confused was putting it mildly. After Severus retreated into his room, Remus figured out that he managed to scare Severus away. It wasn’t that he thought _scaring_ Severus was easy, but in his case, it wasn’t that difficult.

Severus was afraid of him since that night in the Shrieking Shack.

What confused him was what came later.

Severus emerged out of his room, just long enough to hand him a list of things he needed along with a small bundle of muggle money. And, feeling guilty and disappointed at a sudden loss - Remus did his best to get all that Severus wanted.

Among other things, he bought a bottle of Bordeaux, way too expensive. It also took him quite some time to find it - Severus was very specific about the brand, year and similar things.

The other things on the list were also a bit pricey but much easier to find.

When he came home, Severus tossed him out of the kitchen. That evening the dining table looked like a royal feast. Severus was smirking at him dressed in the washed out black jeans and a black hoodie, barefooted. Something that forced him to unstick his brain from the infinite loop of utter befuddlement.

“What is all this, Severus?” he couldn’t hide the note of uncertainty from his voice.

“We are celebrating.” calmly replied Severus.

“Celebrating - what?”

“It is not every day that you grow some spine, Lupin. Event worth a feast. Also, I want something edible and not burned for once.” flatly replied Severus, motioning for him to sit.

The food was exquisite.

“Figures you’d be a good cook.” Remus smiled with a satisfied smile, he was full of delicious food.  

“Don’t be thick, Lupin. Cooking is _nothing_ like potion making, I thought we had that one cleared out.”

“Then…”

“I learned it.” the words were delivered in such tone that made it clear what Severus thought of his intelligence.

Severus waved his wand and plates floated to the sink, starting to wash - it gave a distinct feeling that spell was worthy of the Molly Weasley. But Severus sent him one of his glares so he kept his thoughts to himself.

Without a word Severus picked up two glasses, frowning he transfigured them to wine glasses and took the wine, walking to the living room. Remus was once more confused beyond words. If it was anyone else he would consider this a nearly romantic evening.

But this wasn’t just anyone…

For a few moments, his face battled between the sigh and a frown, before he decided to just follow Severus and try to decipher strange situation.

 _Maybe this is his way to show that he respects my honesty, or that he is fine with me being… Or maybe this is simply how he would usually behave if he is alone._  

There were too many maybe’s swirling around his thoughts. And they all were trampled by the sight in the living room. Severus was cosy in _his_ armchair, book in one hand, glass in the other, focused on his reading. Next to the armchair Remus usually used was another glass of wine.

He took his book and glass, sniffing it. He didn’t know too much about wine, never bothered to know more than it was alcoholic and could get you wasted - if you drink enough and if you needed it. Especially not about expensive wines. He inhaled the rich aroma.

“It is not poisoned, Lupin.” there was an exasperated sigh before his glass was yanked from his hand and replaced with another. Severus was frowning at him, taking a slow sip and swallow.

Remus suppressed the urge to swallow as well. He tried to focus on something, anything else, but his eyes glided back to a long neck and bobbing Adam's apple. Severus smirked at him.

“Drink your wine, Lupin. It is a good year.”

Remus blinked. Severus took a more casual pose, flipping one leg over the hand-rest and stretching other. The book was placed over his thigh. Severus looked relaxed, his face soft and eyes focused on the book.

“Maybe he is just tired of pretending and decided to act like he would in his own home?”

He flinched, realising only too late that he’d spoken aloud. Severus’s head snapped sharply up. One eyebrow raised in a judging manner.

“And maybe he decided to be a good guest. I wager that it is true what they say - no good deed goes unpunished. Stop thinking, Lupin, it’s not your forte. Drink the bloody wine.”

By the end of that evening, he was thoroughly confused, aroused and shaken - and not necessarily in that order.  

~ RL ~ SS ~

The next few days weren’t any better. Severus was properly dressed in Muggle clothes, still the same acerbic self but somehow more - present. He would sit in the living room most of the time, reading.

Severus also took a possession of the kitchen, making one meal in the day and brewing, mumbling about standard apothecary potions and rubbish. With no small dose of surprise, Lupin noticed that his cabinets were now full of pain-numbing potions, invigorating droughts and other potions he found necessary but hard to get.

And that presented the problem. With each new discovery, Remus found that he was falling for Severus. A bit by bit, even more than he was before. He felt uneasy to think of the reasons why Severus did all that.   

His logical side conjured up ideas like: paying back, a display of sudden respect - something he doubted given that Severus still poured insults left and right, a new way to taunt him.

His heart tried to convince him that Severus was trying to show his affections.

Some other parts of him were just - frustrated as hell.


	14. Simmering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

Severus was brewing on the kitchen countertop, steering the fumes through the window, when light steps shuffled behind him. He held off the groan - he’d recognize those steps anywhere. Before the newcomer could even say a word he spoke.

“You may pour that sludge down the drain, Miss Granger.”

There was a sharp gasp behind his back, but he couldn’t just stop his steering to turn to his former student. And given the proximity of the next full moon, he took, against his own words, to brew a Wolfsbane potion.

Last full moon he spent shivering, warded so heavily that no spell could reach him, not even joint efforts of Dumbledore and Voldemort could. Lupin was howling and scratching the door. Next morning, Lupin looked worse for the wear, and he did admit that he had to bite himself a few times to control the beast’s urges. Not to mention, he had to repair the mauled door.

Setting the fire to simmer he finally turned to mouth-gaping Hermione Granger.

“Close your mouth, Miss Granger, it’s unbecoming of you.”

The girl’s jaw clank as she shut her mouth. After a few attempts to speak she finally found her voice.

“It is nice to see to you, Professor.”

“Lying, Miss Granger, was never one of your stronger suits. Lupin is not here. You may toss that rubbish into the rubbish where it belongs and be gone.”

“Many Werewolves are grateful for …” She started, setting her face in a too familiar grimace.

“Miss Granger, that sludge is efficient as it’s brewers. Now, you may come to gloat about Lupin’s misfortune on another occasion, preferably _after_ I manage to leave this prison.”

“You are _free_ , Professor.”

“That is a matter of opinion.”

“And why would I gloat? Remus has a pension, and a home and Wolfsbane and….we are setting a new division in the Ministry where the Minister plans to employ him…”

“I see. So you are willing to lend a friendly helping hand - but only...when it makes you look good in the public’s eye. Congratulations, Miss Granger - you will have a fruitful career at the Ministry.”

“That’s...that’s not true!!! We….”

“Then tell me, Miss Granger - where were you and your Hero reputation and your know-it-all ways when Lupin lost a custody of his child?”

Her jaw clinked once more, the expression of utter confusion on her face. “I...I thought…”

“Exactly. Leave now, Miss Granger.”

He turned his back to the girl. He could hear her retreating steps. With a frown, he gazed at simmering cauldron. He was more than a little disgruntled by the hypocrisy surrounding the _new and improved_ government.  

That didn’t help his frayed nerves. He did anything he could to nudge Lupin into reaction. And he failed. The only thing left for him to do was to walk naked around the house…

_Well, that just might do the trick._

When Lupin came he replaced his slacks and T-shirt with boxer shorts. He accepted the necessity of getting used to wearing Muggle clothes - if he planned to live among them, that was one of the unfortunate but necessary downsides. But he never claimed to feel comfortable wearing them.

When Lupin entered home, he was on the renovated porch, one that Lupin built and enchanted so that he could be on the sun and not get burnt. How Remus managed to do that was beyond him, much to Severus’s disgruntlement.

He decided to go step further, sprawled in the long chair he took great pains to make some parts of him...not too visible but apparent. Pretending to read a book he waited.

“Severus, why is my potion tossed into the rubbish?” Came an almost angry growl from the kitchen.

“If you pay attention to the countertop Lupin, you’ll see that you have the potion at your disposal. One better brewed.” He replied loud enough to reach Lupin.  He listened to the sound.

“I see. Thank you, Severus. Which one of our ex-students did you scare off now?”

“Miss Granger.” He replied. Lupin’s footsteps came closer to the porch.

“I do hope that you didn’t send her home in tears…” Words died on Lupin’s lips. Severus pretended that he read a book, looking over the page rim at Lupin’s expression.

“No. I do know how to deliver insult without making them cry.” he retorted with a generous smugness in his voice. Albeit, the smugness came from the fact that Lupin was changing colours and gulping more than anything.

“Severus,” Sigh in Lupin’s voice was a reward for his efforts “That...is not an...appropriate…”

“What are you on about, Lupin?” He lowered his book dramatically

“Your state of undress, it is not…”

“You asked me to be decent - I was. You pestered me to sit in the sun - I am. If I don’t know any better I’d say you sound like nagging, dissatisfied wife. Last time I checked - you are neither female nor in any relations to me, Lupin.”

“When I told you… Well… I thought I made it clear to you, Severus…”

“Yes, you are gay, so what? You are not going to persuade me that my state of undress has anything to do with that. Or do you consider me as one of the dunderheads?”

“No, Severus… I just…” There was the strain in Lupin’s voice.

“Then what?”

“Well, you see… I do find you attractive. I do know that you prefer women and I respect that but…”

“Are you insane, Lupin? You find this attractive?” He snorted, motioning on himself in a wide swipe of his hand “Attractive or simply out of options?”

“Call it what you like, Severus, but do get dressed - or I might not be responsible for my actions.”

“Very well.” He growled, but he felt satisfaction, his plan was working. “And do try to listen to your own advice next time, Lupin.”

“I don’t…”

“Try to know your target before you try to intimidate.” He smirked.

“Oh no, you won’t try to play the ‘gay’ card with me…” Remus growled grabbing him by the arm.

Severus tugged his arm from Lupin’s grip, narrowing his eyes at the man and replying in the cold even tone.

“The thought never crossed my mind. And don’t you dare to put your hands on me, Lupin - not if you are not good on your threat.”

With that Severus walked to his room.

 _Mission accomplished._ He thought smugly, putting the robe on.


	15. All apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

Remus couldn’t suppress the trembling.

_Is this really going to happen?_

Two weeks of growling and snarling and insults. It took him exactly 7 days to drag out the truth from Severus. Another 7 to reach this point. His thoughts wandered briefly to lines he somehow managed to adopt as his salvation or curse.

While trying to provoke the truth from Severus came the first one ‘ _It is irrelevant, Lupin - male or female it is completely irrelevant_ .’. The second one was tossed in his face like an insult when he finally gathered the courage to suggest an idea about the attempt on physical liaison ‘ _Indeed, an occasional non-binding copulation? Tell me, Lupin, did you ever managed to get laid with that? No wonder that Tonks girl managed to cheat you into marriage._ ’ and after the long break ‘ Very well, given the lack of better _or **any**_ **** _other options...you’ll do._ ’

It all lead the to tonight and another bottle of ridiculously expensive wine, and his clumsy attempt to seduce Severus, which ended badly. Severus seen through his plan, took the book he tried to use as a cover to lure Severus on the sofa instead to sit on the armchair, and just smirked ‘ _If you want a snog then ask for a snog._ ’

Well, they snogged on that sofa until Remus thought he will burst at his seams. The next hurdle was overcome somewhere between the living room and the bedroom - when they decided on preferences. That was a total surprise for him - he had a rare desire to top, and even bigger surprise came in a form of Severus’s acceptance, even if it did sound bit reluctant.  

Severus steered them to Lupin’ bedroom under the excuse that he didn’t want werewolf stench on his sheets. Same as a growled refusal of Muggle condoms in favour of using protective spells and potions. The potion got him thinking, but not for long given the situation and the slide of Severus’s cock against his. Though one rarely brewed such potion on a whim.

And now…

Now he was looking at the lovely curve of Severus’ butt and down the expanse of a pale back. Slicking his trembling fingers he massaged oil around the eagerly twitching entrance. He slicked one finger inside and Severus gazed at him over his shoulder.

“I don’t need preparation, Lupin - either get on with it or roll over.”

There was something deep in Severus’s eyes, something that made him shiver and shake, forcing him to feel elated and reluctant. But following the instructions, he pushed two sticky fingers in. Or at least he tried - poking them in the bone above.

“Get. On. With. It. Lupin.” growled Severus.

_He knows his own body._

He generously coated his cock and pushed forward, trying to still it with an unsteady hand. And...he managed to miss again sliding the sensitive head along the line of perineum, hissing.  Severus glanced at him again.

“Are you sure you’ve done this before?”

“It might go a bit smoother if you stop barking orders at me.”

This was not how he imagined it, and he imagined a great deal of things in the past two weeks. What he didn’t imagine was that he will be this nervous and that Severus would be this - brass about it.

Remus steadied his arm and tied to push, this time managing to avoid the slippery mishaps. And as far as he could tell, Severus was doing his part - he bore down. But there was something…

The tremor - the mixture of excitement and the tension.

The slight rigidity of the body.

And Remus remembered those all too well. It didn’t add up. His brain tried to work through his own haze of desire.

“Severus, have you done this before?”

“I know what I’m doing, Lupin, which is more than I can say for you, given that you can’t hit one bloody hole.” Came a muffled growl, but the tension was still there, underlying the jab of the remark.

Suddenly everything made sense.

“We are doing this my way, Severus. Turn around.”

“What the bloody hell, Lupin?”

“Turn around.” he repeated pulling back.

Severus rolled onto his back with a gruff expression. There was an irritation in his voice and a slight tightness in his body. For someone lying on his back and waiting to be intimate - Severus looked like he was ready to fight. There was nervousness in his posture and Severus apparently tried to cover it with a smirk.

“Do you want to give up or simply switch, Lupin. I can assure you - I know what to do.”

“I didn’t change my mind, Severus. I’m simply changing the rules. No more barking orders - I’m not one of your students.” He replied softly, leaning to hover above Severus. “Sex is not only something perfunctory, it can be fun as well.”

There was a derisive snort but Severus’ eyes widened when he leaned to a kiss. He kissed Severus softly, trailing kisses over the jaw and to the ear, lapping lightly at the spot just behind the ear before returning to the lips.  

He ran his palms up and down Severus’ body, making the other man wiggle or hold his breath in an attempt to prevent more signs that he enjoyed Remus’ touch. By Remus’ opinion that was an unnecessary and futile task, given that he could feel firm and occasionally twitching erection. He ground his own hips hissing at the sensation when their cocks rubbed.

Sliding down he kissed and nipped and licked down the long pale neck and collarbones.

“What are you think you’re doing, Lupin?” Severus’ voice was a bit breathless.

“It’s called foreplay, Severus.” he purred sucking in one of the dark flat nipples. The soft tissue grew under his tongue, but the expected shudder was missing.

“Don’t bother, Lupin - they are not sensitive.” That was almost a sigh, one that balanced between excitement and boredom. Severus was doing his best not to appear affected. Abandoning the nipples Remus continued to trail kisses against the hairless skin, enjoying in the sensation and warmth.

Summoning the pillows he nudged Severus’ hips and the man followed the incentive without a further prompt much to his surprise. He continued to kiss down the thighs covered with soft curly black hairs, before returning up to reach Snape’ cock.

Well, Severus was average in that department, maybe a bit thicker than average. That alone made Remus shiver, his imaginations sending pictures more than appropriate for this occasion. He grinned at the bush of thick curly black hairs, and the fact that  Severus’ bollocks were smooth, hairless much in the same way his upper body was.

He ran the tongue from the base to the top and looked directly at Severus’ eyes before pressing his lips at the frenulum and sucking hard. The tide of satisfaction rush through him when Severus hissed and his eyes rolled back.

Twisting his arm just below the reddish head, and forcing the foreskin to cover it he stuck his tongue in the pocket of skin, twirling it around the sensitive glans. Another deep, throaty hiss and a slight buck oh hips. He could see tension slipping away from Severus.

He wasn’t too fond of blow jobs, receiving them - yes, giving them - not so much, he never managed to develop the taste for salty-bitter tang. But,  he didn’t shy away from them either - after all that was a right of passage so to say.

Still, he wasn’t very good at it and he gave only a few bobs of head and twirls of his tongue before kissing his way down the underside. Smile spilt over his lips at the memory of the conversation about tea bags - now, he could do that.  

Nudging the sac with his tongue he fumbled for a wand and cast a silent cleaning spell on Severus. With almost a purr he sucked one of the balls in his mouth and continued to tap his tongue at it, creating a vacuum.

Above him Severus hissed then grunted, stringing words inappropriate for a teacher. He switched to the other one. Letting them plop out of his mouth, he pulled them up as pressed his tongue firmly at the perineum. He massaged the muscle for a while before twirling it down.

By that point, it was easy to manoeuvre Severus’ movements. He encouraged Severus to tilt his pelvis and spread his legs, massaging his buttocks and spreading them. His tongue danced shortly on the skin between Severus’ pucker and perineum.

“Lupin, what are you….Salazar’ furry balls!” exclaimed Severus abandoning the pretence of any gruffness, not that his gravely purr could deliver any insult at the moment anyhow.

Taking lube again he coated his fingers and spread a generous amount of it the outer side before pushing first one then two fingers into Severus. This time there was almost no resistance. Severus’ body arched slightly. But Remus didn’t allow himself to be lulled into that, he took his time altering between short thrusts, long soft trusts. He spread his fingers steadily, wiggled them in the grip of relaxing the muscles. He relished in a sight of Severus’ body twitching and rocking and wittering.

Kissing his way up he gazed at black eyes covered with a feverish shine. He smiled and lowered to a kiss. This time Severus didn’t give any resistance or tried to take over in any way.

He murmured into Severus’ lips.

“Are you ready?” in response the body under his tensed a bit but Severus just nodded “Shhhhh, we’ll go slow.”

He pushed back on his knees. He gently forced Severus to straighten one leg while he pulled the other one on his shoulder and having a firm and stable grip now, pressed at the opening. Much unlike popular belief, Remus found that wasn’t always easy to fit something wide into a much smaller hole, especially if both objects were slippery as hell. Especially if doing that slowly.

Focusing on Severus’ reactions he suppressed his need to just push forward and advanced in a snail's pace. Severus was panting, sweat covered his body, muscles trembling. Remus had an impression that Severus was forcing his body to relax.

Finally, he managed to push the head of his cock through the first ring of muscles and stopped. Severus’ body stopped shaking after a few moments, but the fine shine of sweat still covered him.

“What the bloody hell are you waiting, Lupin?” grunted Severus.

Lowering to hover over Severus once more, pushing Severus’ leg to his chest to gain a better, deeper angle, Remus pushed a fraction and trembling returned. He gazed briefly at Severus before kissing his way to the juncture where the jaw and ear met and purred.

“I’m waiting for you to relax and stop fighting me. You have never done this, Severus.” there was no reprimand in his voice, this was a statement. A snort was the only reply he got. “Fine, let me rephrase it - you never bottomed.”

“I did.” came the strained reply.

“To a living partner?”

Silence greeted him in response. He hummed and sucked at the soft ear pad. Severus made a strangled noise, moved then stilled. He kept pushing and kissing. It took some time before he was a good three quarters in when Severus stiffened under him.

_I guess here is a limit for now._

He latched his lips on Severus’ and used one hand to grip Severus’ prick, squeezing lightly. Severus’ breath hitched. Remus felt the muscles around him loosening their grip. He moved, just a miniscule motion. Severus was still but relaxed. He leaned for a kiss.

It took them a while, and his back screamed in pain, more from the control of the movement than anything else. But finally, he could at least make a small, soft trust. He tried gently to change the angle. It was pure luck really, but the reaction was so gratifying.

Severus released a long grunt deep from his throat and shifted, arching a bit. The shine that covered Severus’ body changed from cold to slick and warm. He tried again with the same result.

“Yessss.” He whispered into a kiss.

It was not an easy feat for Remus, to maintain small almost shallow movements, move his hand over Severus’ cock and kiss the man at the same time. He knew blokes who would do that in a heartbeat, but he wasn’t one of them. To his surprise, slim thighs wrapped around his middle, squeezing. But even then, he wasn’t too sure to move faster or deeper, that will come in time.

_If there is another time._

Gritting his teeth he alternated between control his urges and letting enough of sensations slip through his control. It was a surprise when Severus released almost a pained sound, high pitched and throaty. His body stiffened while Severus’ cock pulsated rhythmically, sending the warm waves of stickiness between them.

Carefully he pulled back, this time fighting not only his need but also Severus’ legs.

“It won’t be pleasant after this, Severus - let me…”

He was surprised with a sudden wrestling manoeuvre and rolled to his back. Severus looked knackered, hair damp and tousled, his features relaxed in deep sedation, eyes heavy-lidded and live. A slight frown furrowed his brow when Severus rocked forward, breaking the connection much faster than he should or it was smart. 

“Severus…”

“For once in your life, Lupin - shut up.” Severus’ voice was heavy, scratchy and silken purr with a dash of annoyance. How the man managed that was beyond him.  

Next moment he was groaning when Severus gripped him firmly in his hand, pumping fast. Only a few well-manoeuvred tugs were enough, he let out the yelp and orgasm hit him hard, blurring his vision.

His heart started to beat fast, when he noticed that Severus flopped next to him, breathing heavily and licking his fingers and hand coated with Remus’ spunk. He reached to hug Severus, his movements sedated and sluggish. Severus, equally and uncharacteristically slowly tried to resist.

“I don’t do cuddling.”

“Well, I do.” he stated and reached again. This time, Severus didn’t protest.

Soon enough they both sunk into a much-needed slumber.


	16. Conspiring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

It was nearly two months after their first copulation and Severus once again found himself brewing the potion. This would be the third time since he got here. The morass looking liquid boiled in the cauldron.

Severus frowned at the bubbling concoction. Deep in thoughts, he analysed his situation. By his account, something didn’t add up. He caught himself this morning whistling - _whistling!_ \- while taking his morning shower. And that spurred him into revisioning his behaviour in past weeks.  

After that first time, he woke up the next morning, still entangled in Lupin's embrace, pleasantly aching in various places. Things were less awkward than he expected them to be, Lupin wasn’t trying to inflict stupid sentimentality on him. Lupin never tried to inflict anything even remotely relationship like - in fact, Lupin only demanded few intimacies and _only_ because he _wanted them._  And he had no qualms to provide them.

In retrospect, Severus had freedom, easily available and eager partner and very satisfactory sex. He wasn’t forced or coerced into anything... And yet - he moved completely into Lupin’s room, in his old room stayed only now empty duffle bag and silicone cone, everything else was moved into drawers and armoires in Lupin’s room.

He used to take his toiletries with him and return them into his room, but now they were amassed next to Lupin’s, scattered all over the bathroom.  

He couldn’t remember when was the last time he slept in the other/his room.  

But more than that - he caught himself deliberately neglecting and thwarting the St Mungo’s instructions. The bubbles on the surface of potion plopped and he scowled at them. It seemed almost as if he was sabotaging himself. But why and to what end?

He blew a frustrated breath through his nose. _Fine, being with Lupin is every bit like I imagined it would be. But surely…_

Eager steps cut his thought off, his frown deepened. Potter…

“Snape, I brought the potion for Lupin.”

“And I’ll tell you the same thing as the last month - not necessary, Potter.”

“It is. Feel free to toss it, but we can’t remove Lupin from the list. What will he do when you leave?” there was a note of irritation in Potters voice.

“Preferably buy a proper one or continue to use the one I make.” he growled thinking: _Idiot-who-won’t-leave-me-alone._

“Well, I can’t remove him from the list - only Remus can do that.” Potter snapped back. Severus lowered the flame and left potion to simmer, turning on his heel to face the little menace.

“Very well. You delivered the potion - now try to evaporate out of my sight.”

“So, how’s Remus?”

“Still alive.” he ground through clenched teeth.

“Just asking…” started Potter.

“Ask him yourself, that is when you stop finding excuses to check on me instead of visiting him. For ones who claim to be his friends, you show more interest in me than him - you and Granger.”

“Yes, about that. What did you do Hermione? She is locked in the library for months - researching.”

“Good, at least she’s using her brain for something.” he hissed, feeling secretly pleased.

“Yes - but for what?” it sounded like Potter was tethering on a verge of a full-blown argument.

“Ask her yourself. Now leave - I have a potion to finish.”

He turned back to the cauldron. If Potter decided to stay, he would be forced to either tip his hand and extinguish the fire or allow for the potion to fail. Luckily, Potter didn’t call his bluff and with muffled goodbye, the nuisance was gone.

Finishing the potion he sighed. _It was so long ago, I won’t dwell on the past._

The problem was that said past shared his bed in the present, and that complicated the things. Before the fifth year, before the Shrieking Shack incident, he did have a brief torch for Lupin. But those were confusing times for him and he paid them no respect once he grew out of his adolescence.

At that time he wasn't sure if he would rather snog Lily or Lupin, which did confuse the hell out of him. Both of them were in the wrong house, both of them equally unattainable and both of them in the clutches of those idiots. Lupin turned out to be one of his nightmares, Lily one of his biggest regrets.   

_It was so long ago, surely I don’t harbour the same feelings as I did then._

And like faith wanted to prove him wrong he heard Lupin’s angry voice calling him, he felt something akin to an apparition pull in his guts. Moments later angry Lupin’s face floated into his vision.

“What did you tell Harry now? Honestly, Severus, you act like you are ten.”

“Nothing. If _his majesty_ can’t handle the truth it is not my fault.”

“What truth?” frowned Lupin.

“That you should buy your Wolfsbane instead using that watered down atrocity they give every month.”

“Mhm, and how you suggest I do that? There are only two apothecaries that sell, and one dose - _one dose_ Severus costs as my entire monthly income. I don’t know why they even bother, it isn’t like there are many Werewolves able to afford that if any!”

Lupin walked back and forth, annoyed, waving his hands in large swipes. Severus had to dodge him a few times. Pulling back out of the hands reach he replied smoothly.

“There is, quite a few in fact, mostly among rich pureblood families that refused to stand behind Dark Lord. Grayback was one of his more...persuasive methods or punishments, depending on the answer.”

That forced Lupin to stop pacing and start blinking in his direction.

“But they are…”

“Unregistered? Yes, I presumed as much. Money, Lupin, can buy anything - including the discretion and the potion.”

“That still does not include me.” Lupin sighed, defeated all of a sudden. Severus felt insulted.

“Well, if you think that _my_ brew is lesser than that Ministry issued poison - then…” he turned to tip the still steaming cauldron into the sink.

Lupin’s hands stopped him in his intent. A firm body pressed against his, and strong arms encircling him, even if only to prevent him from spilling the potion took away a good deal of fight out of him.

“You know I don’t think that, Severus. And I am grateful for a high-quality potion I get from you. But what…” Lupin’s voice faltered a bit, and he made a pause clearing throat before continuing “But when you leave...I’ll have to rely on what is available to me. Of course if you…”

The warmth of Lupin’s body moved from him. He could hear the chair cracks before he turned to look at Lupin who fixed a gaze on him.

“If you would reconsider and brew it…”

“Don’t talk nonsense, Lupin. What do I gain from staying in the wizarding world? Who would buy a potion from me?”

“Werewolves would - if the price is right. I could employ you as Ministry brewer in the new department…”

“Yes, because Ministry would be out of their wits from joy to have a Werewolf and ex-Death Eater and murderer in their midst.” he snorted “Not even Werewolves are that desperate.”

“In fact they are. If you keep the price low enough - they wouldn’t question who made the potion as long as its quality is good.”

“Honestly, Lupin! I can’t decide whom did you insult more just now - me or your kind.” he barked but even if he snarled at Lupin the idea formed in his mind.

 _Yes, that could work_.

Lupin looked like a Dementor was hovering at his shoulder.

“I know you try to do the right for your sort, Lupin. And admirable if futile feet, I’ll admit that. But you as well as I do know that my time here is limited.”

“How...how long before you go?” Lupin sounded sad, deflated, his eyes locked on the floor. He frowned, he had a plan but that was just a rough sketch, he didn’t have any time to work it out. Well, he would just have to improvise.

“A while longer I wager. The St. Mungo’s idiots keep coming up with new and more idiotic healing methods and I refuse to indulge them. I am done being anyone's test subject.” he said gruffly.

Strangely, Lupin smiled at those words, he looked ten years younger. Severus frowned, Lupin’s sudden shift of mood worried him - maybe Lupin started to lose his mind? That thought didn’t make him as happy as he thought it would - it had quite an opposite effect. He will have to do more self-searching and figure out what the hell was wrong with him.

“Well, you know you have a place here - as long as it is needed or for as long as you desire it.” Lupin sighed and grinned at him “Thank you for making the potion for me, Severus. You may rest, I’ll make a dinner.”

Walking to the living room he was in a strange mood  - altering between a smile he fought to suppress and frown that wouldn’t come. Maybe he didn’t need an elaborate plan, after all, just an excuse.     


	17. Words vs. Deeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world,  
> which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.
> 
> A/N: Huge, huge thank you to my alpha - Holdt and my beta - inviteme <3 <3 <3

Last days of summer caught Remus in a strange mood, he was lazing on the porch catching the warmth of afternoon sun and thinking. This was one of the oddest summers in his life, and that spoke volumes given the life he had. 

On the one side, he couldn’t be happier...fine, he could - but he was willing to enjoy what was given to him. Severus was still with him, even if the term  _ with him _ wasn’t quite proper to describe what they had. 

They shared the living space, they shared the bed, they talked or read in silence, they argued. They acted like a couple - but they weren’t one. Severus was still Severus - not a sign of affection. Everything he’d say was sharp and prickly and economical, at the same time - Severus did a lot of things. Severus was an exciting and engaging lover - intense when leading, endearing when following. 

Remus was confused.

But on the other side, every time he would try to steer the conversation in the direction of Severus’s staying he would run into a thick and sturdy wall. Severus was determined that he would leave at first presentable opportunity. Remus wasn’t sure how he would deal with that. That was one lose too many - one he wasn’t ready to endure.  

The knocking at the door forced him to move. He stood stunned in silence at his visitors. Harry was grinning while Hermione cooed at Teddy in her arms, Andromeda was nowhere in sight. Remus blinked, he must be seeing things. 

“Remus, may we come in?” asked Harry looking rather amused, that snapped him out of his stupor.

“Yes, yes, of course. What...I mean, how…”

“Hermione did some digging, and we talked to the committee… Let’s just say that they - changed their mind.” Harry smiled, while Remus took Teddy from Hermione.

“Hey fella.” he kissed soft hair inhaling deeply “Changed their mind about what?”

Holding Teddy felt like heaven, like balm on his fried nerves. Andromeda rarely allowed him to hold Teddy, the most he usually could do was to talk to him. He pressed his cheek at the baby’s head. 

“Every other visit will be here, under supervision from one of us, but Andromeda can’t prevent you to be close to your son.” smiled Harry.

His heart started to beat fast. He squeezed Teddy closer. Teddy gurgled and grabbed a handful of his hair. He let him pull on his hair.

“I’m sorry, Remus, I couldn’t persuade them to allow the unsupervised visits.”

“It is all right Hermione, even this…This is more than I could dream of.” he smiled at the girl, deciding that he did need to extract his hair from Teddy’s grip after all. 

“There is more…” started Harry but Hermione cut him off and continued to talk.

“There is a chance that you may regain full custody again. There is, however, a condition…”

Remus wondered how long he could live without his heart beating. Getting Teddy back was a dream come true, more happiness that he could hope for. 

“What condition?”

“You need to have a partner, someone who would take care of the child when you are indisposed. I’m sorry. It is idiotic, really, and I tried to convince them that you have plenty of friends - but the law was on their side...For now…”

His heart sunk low, apparently too much happiness wasn’t meant for him. 

“I...I don’t think that would be doable, Hermione. But anyway thank you for trying.”

“You are as spineless and incompetent as always, Lupin. Miss Granger, I expect from you to have the case for the hearing prepared then notify us, Andromeda and the Committee.” came a low growl behind him.

His heart started to beat fast, Harry‘s jaw dropped but Hermione just smiled, gave one meaningful look to Harry who seemed stunned, and plucked the parchments and the self-filling quill from her handbag. Teddy chose that moment to start  wailing . He rocked Teddy gently while turning to frown at Severus.

“This is not a game, Severus. You are planning to leave and I  would lose Teddy again. That could only be a problem for the child….”

“I am planning to leave.” replied Severus coldly “But, given that that won’t happen in some foreseeable future due to a  _ good will _ of the incompetent nincompoops from St. Mungo’s, you may as well take an advantage in that.”

“I won’t use you like that….” he stopped rocking Teddy and kissed his head “Shh, little one. You scared him.” he accused Severus who approached them

“Hardly. I’ll take that while Miss Granger finishes her business with you.” 

Before Remus could react Severus plucked Teddy out from his arms holding him like he is holding a ticking bomb. Harry was wedged somewhere between shock and amusement. Hermione was still holding everything and observed them with a smug smile. 

“We…” Started Severus but he had to raise his tone and to overpower the louder and louder screaming from Teddy “You.” Severus turned to look at Teddy “You will desist with that racket at once, do I made myself clear?” 

Much to the surprise of everyone present, Teddy stopped crying. His big teary eyes blinked at Severus a few times before he slowly dragged his lips into a smile. Severus nodded to the child. 

“We will be in the kitchen, brewing...While we are talking about brewing, we may negotiate that insane idea of yours later.” Severus turned and he made a step towards the living areas of the house.

“Severus, baby can’t be near the…”

“Don’t be a bigger idiot than you already are, Lupin. We are going to brew the tea. As I understand the basic hospitality demands that you offer the seat and the tea to your guests. Given that so far you did neither…”

“It’s all right, Professor, we understand. Remus was just happy to see Teddy.”

“Hmpf. Suit yourself, Miss Granger, however, it may be prudent not to talk about his manners, that may be damaging to your case.”

With that Severus disappeared in the kitchen still holding Teddy like something that would explode. He was more than worried but Harry and Hermione ushered him into the living room. After a while tea appeared on the table along with biscuits. 

“Remus, I didn’t know you have a house elf!” exclaimed Hermione.

“I don’t.”  _ What is going on here? _

“He doesn't but I do and given that I’ll be staying...she is in the kitchen now. Don’t worry Miss Granger she is paid for her work.” cold voice inserted itself in the conversation, Severus was walking towards them holding Teddy removed from him as far as possible “This started to stink, Lupin.” 

Severus handed him Teddy who was happily gurgling and clapping his hands with a big smile. Severus had one of his sour faces, nose wrinkled in disgust. When he took Teddy he could smell why. 

“He needs a nappy change, Severus.”

“Don’t look at me, it is enough that I’m helping you reclaim it. You owe me for that one.”

“Right. Harry, Hermione I’ll be back in just a moment….” he started. At this point, Remus wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not. But a pop distracted him, a female elf in a ridiculous dress and with one of Hermione’s knitted caps on her head took Teddy.

“I is taking care of baby Mr Professor. You talk.” she waddled carrying Teddy gently who played with her hat, laughing. 

He turned to thank Severus, but he wasn’t in the room. Half the day later he was saying goodbye to Harry, Hermione and Teddy. The day was dissipating on the horizon. He could hear the elf  clinking with the dishes from dinner. Remus decided that after today going early to bed was justified - he felt exhausted. 

Getting into his room he nearly tripped over the duffle bag.

“Severus, why did you leave this here?”

“What do you suggest I do with it? I presume you’ll need that room for your whelp, and I refuse to live in the living room.” came a gruff mumble from under the covers on the bed.

He smiled, undressed and laid down, turning to face Severus. “Thank you, Severus.”

“Do not thank me, Lupin. I’m not doing this for you. And this is not a favour - at this moment I have much more to gain from this than you.”

“Do you, now?” smiled Remus. 

Yes, there was a gruffness, and vitriol on Severus‘s tongue. There was seemingly an impenetrable armour around him. But beneath all of that, Remus thought that he finally started to see - as always Severus’s actions spoke much louder than his words.

“Stop pestering me, Lupin. Your brat tired me today and I’d like to rest.” grumbled Severus shifting on the side towards him.

“Right, sorry then. Good night, Severus.” he smiled, leaning to kiss Severus who didn’t return the kiss but didn’t pull away either. 

Shifting even closer he leaned his forehead at Severus’s warm skin. Yes, he had more than he could ever hope for. The world will still be hypocritical, he will still face those who will try to undervalue him, he will face judgement...but… Now he had Severus and soon he will have Teddy, hopefully. And he had love, no matter how indirectly and unwillingly given. 

_ The words are meaningless, deeds are everything after all. I can see you now. _

Those were his last thoughts before he sank into a satisfied slumber, safely tucked in an embrace. 


End file.
